Cruelty of Honesty
by Angelyc
Summary: How do you tell someone they're dying?


People have always had a savior complex. As children we are taught to worship Superman or Wonder Woman because they will save us. As we get older, this idiolatry takes on the form of firefighters carrying trapped people out of burning buildings. Whenever we see police cars flying down the street with their lights flashing and their sirens screaming, we mentally visualize the brave men and women inside with their guns drawn taking down the big bad evil of the hour. And when we're sick we look to the doctors. Those magical men and women in scrubs to cure us. Heal us. Save us...

"Grey... tell us about the patient."

I smile reassuringly at the woman staring at me from the bed. "Katelyn Hubbell, age 32, was admitted at 300 this morning with abdominal cramps. She has been spotting for a week, though a test has indicated she is not pregnant nor has she had a miscarriage."

Katelyn spoke up nervously. "It's not that I was ignoring the pain or anything. It's just that I have 3 year old and my husband has been out of town and I really didn't have time to get to a doctor until last night when he came home."

We all nodded like we understood, but Cristina's expression clearly expressed her thoughts.

"What's your recommendation Grey?"

"An abdominal cat scan and complete blood scanning tests."

"Get on with it then."

I place my hand on Katelyn's. "I'll get you scheduled and I'll be back to check on you."

She coughs and a dribble of blood blooms at the corner of her mouth. Her smile is trusting as she pats my hand. "Thank you Dr. Grey."

Her words repeat in my head later that day as her tests come back. Abdominal cancer. It's spread and it's terminal. How do you tell someone that they're dying? How do you break that hope that lives in their eyes? How do tell husband that his wife is going to leave him soon with a young girl who will have questions he won't know the answer to? How do you explain to a toddler that mommy's sick and there is nothing you can do to fix it?

I sit on an empty gurney with my head in my hands as I deliberate. I hear their footsteps coming down the hall and don't lift my head. I know as soon as the results were available they would check. Because they all knew from the moment they saw her like I did. Alex stands in front of me as Cristina takes the seat to my left and Izzie claims the one to my left. George puts his back to the wall across from us and slides to the floor. We are all silent for a second until Alex speaks.

"Look we're all going to kick sooner or later and a lot of times people don't even get a warning so she should at least be grateful that she gets a chance to prepare."

Izzie's eyes blaze and she spits her words. "Prepare? She has to tell her husband goodbye. Her _child_. How the hell do you prepare for that?"

He shrugs and walks away to stand near George. Since their relationship ended, he really hasn't had too much to say to her. He's not angry... that I can tell. But he's sad and we've all tried to respect that.

George sighs. "I know that this is part of the job and all... But it just doesn't seem..."

"Fair." I finish the sentence for him and nod. "Nothing's fair. If there is one thing that this job has taught me... it's that 'fair' is just another 4-letter word."

We simultaneously reach for our hips as a pager sounds. Cristina grimaces at hers and slides off the gurney. "I gotta go. Come find me after you..." She pauses. "After."

I nod and we all watch her walk down the hall. I take a deep breath and hop down. "I can't keep putting this off. Bailey's going to meet me and we're going to tell them. Thanks for coming."

They smile slightly as I start to walk off. Izzie calls my name softly and I turn to face her. "You just have to be honest and calm. After that you just..."

"Tell a woman she's dying." She looks me in the eye. "Yeah..."

As I step of the elevator and into the corridor Bailey steps up beside me. "You ready for this Grey?" I don't answer as I look through the window into the room. Katelyn is in the bed with her daughter snuggled up on her side reading a book. Her husband holds her hand and they are all in their own world. "Meredith?" I turn my head and look at Bailey. "Are you ever truly ready to do this?" She glances at the scene in the room and then back at me. "No... But you owe them the cruelty of honesty... not the brutality of false hope." I stare into the room for a hard second. "Okay.. Let's go."

We open the door and walk into the room and shatter a family.

Everyone wants to be saved. From the woman with the Cinderella complex looking for Prince Charming, to the young boy watching the latest comic book star battle it out on the big screen. Some people want to save everyone... And some even though they try... know they can't.


End file.
